My Brother and the Army

The past three weeks have been a bit of an emotional roller coaster. With no warning, I got a message from my mom saying that my 19-year-old brother had decided to join the Army. I waited a day to call him, so that I could gather my thoughts and have a coherent conversation not entirely based on emotion. I talked to a friend of mine who comes from a military family and was actually in the Army herself. I hoped that I could talk my brother out of it, but he had already signed papers. There was no going back. Since he has decided to become a Ranger, there have been days that I have cried over the possibility that he could die in Iraq; I have cried over what his Ranger training will be like and the possibility that it could really change him. Then one night, as I lay in bed crying, I decided that I couldn't anymore. His going into the Army had become inevitable, so there was nothing that I could do but pray for him and for his safety. I decided then that I couldn't cry or become upset again until his first deployment. It's mostly worked.

Last weekend, we had a going away party. I was upset that so few family members showed up, but I can't do anything about them and their decisions or the fact that some of them have made no effort to see Jacob the say goodbye. I guess that even isn't as big a deal as I'm making of it, since he will be home around Christmas time as he has time off between Basic and Ranger School.

Yesterday, though, was the last time that I'll see him until late December/early January. That was tough. All that I can do now is support him by writing him letters and pray. I'll be praying a lot for his safety and for him to make good decisions, surrounded by a lot of guys his age who won't make good decisions, over the next for years of his enlistment.

Elena's Thoughts on Family

There's been a lot going on recently, and I do intend to blog about different things; I just always forget to do it. In the meantime, here's a post from a friend's blog. I love what she has to say here about family.

You know you're family's big when...

I have about 30 cousins (yes, 30 first cousins). So my family is big enough to have "family gossip." It was a bit of a shock when my mother told me that my grandma had recently asked if I'm pregnant. Apparently one of my cousins whom I haven't seen in about a year or so told my grandma that I'm pregnant, which I'm not. My cousin had heard something from another cousin's wife who had talked to my mom. Somehow between the time that my mom said something and the time that it got back to her, something in the message got mixed up. It's like a game of telephone.

Jane Eyre

The following quotation has been sitting in here as a draft for quite a while, just because I forget to blog. I love it because it's from Jane Eyre, which is my favorite book. I also love the way that it really sums up the feminist movement as it was at the time. I want to say that this is just a few chapters after she becomes Adele's governess, shortly after she meets Rochester.

It is in vain to say human beings ought to be satisfied with
tranquillity: they must have action; and they will make it if they
cannot find it. Millions are condemned to a stiller doom than mine,
and millions are in silent revolt against their lot. Nobody knows
how many rebellions besides political rebellions ferment in the
masses of life which people earth. Women are supposed to be very
calm generally: but women feel just as men feel; they need exercise
for their faculties, and a field for their efforts, as much as their
brothers do; they suffer from too rigid a restraint, too absolute a
stagnation, precisely as men would suffer; and it is narrow-minded
in their more privileged fellow-creatures to say that they ought to
confine themselves to making puddings and knitting stockings, to
playing on the piano and embroidering bags. It is thoughtless to
condemn them, or laugh at them, if they seek to do more or learn
more than custom has pronounced necessary for their sex.

School Politics

Several years ago, I came to the conclusion that the average school is a gossipy place, because most places with that many women are generally very gossipy. What I've just realized more recently is that teaching at a high school, in many ways, means that you are in high school forever. I've been having several "high school" days recently. First, there's the whole issue of people retiring and/or leaving the school. I know of several people's timelines for how much longer they will be at the school. These timelines actually do affect me, because it affects my teachings assignments. So, as I try to figure out what next year is going to look like for me, I have to discuss it with administration and one of my department chairs. The problem is that I know information that could affect their decisions and definately affects my decisions, but I really can't pass that information along. It makes me feel like I'm back in high school with all of the goofy stuff about gossip and not passing along people's "secrets."

Part of figuring out next year includes the possibility of teaching AP English Lit. I'm really excited about that, but I'm already getting a little stressed out about how far behind I feel already. I feel like I need to read every book on every recommended reading list ever for the AP test...and that's the stress that I dealt with before my first class even started this morning. I think that I'm kind of expecting more of myself than necessary in preperation for this class. Part of it is the fact that I'll start teaching AP so early in my career/at such a young age. I guess I feel like I have to be extra-prepared so that students and parents don't feel like they're being short-changed by getting me.

On the up side, starting this year means that I'll teach alongside the person who has taught this class for the past 15 or 20 years. I am very fortunate to have her as a mentor as I transition into teaching AP.

Obligatory "why I'm blogging" post

First off, I guess that I technically have another blog through myspace, however that's one that my students know about. I've been considering the idea of setting up another blog, so that I could freely blog about things that I don't want my students to read (ex. school related stuff). So here I am.